It takes a certain type of person who enjoys conflict. You probably know one of them. For the rest of us, it’s at minimum unpleasant, at best uncomfortable.
Some of us go so far to avoid conflict that this avoidance dictates our whole lives; from forfeiting the things we really want to ending perfect salvagable relationships or maintaining toxic ones.
While conflict is sometimes necessary, the world is full of unnecessary conflict, on all levels of society. So how can proactively and confidently approach conflict, without it exploding into something more than it needs to be?
Here are a few ideas and considerations for dealing with conflict:
Don’t avoid it - while it often feels more comfortable not to raise an issue or concern, the truth is that the short, sharp discomfort of doing so is nothing in comparison to the long, agonising, subtle discomfort of carrying on and trying to ignore it. Whatever happens from speaking up, will lead to whatever it is you need. It might require more discomfort before getting better, but there’s a good chance the consequences of bringing it up will be nowhere near as bad as you think it will.
Plan what you need to say - don’t just go into this unprepared, full of rage, anxiety and/or confusion. Take some time to think about what you need to say, how best to say it and when.
Arrange a time to talk about it - rather than only discuss this stuff in the heat of an argument, schedule a time to do it rationally. Or if you want to go all-in, schedule a regular meeting to discuss what's going right or wrong, in whatever type of close relationship you're in.
Focus on the solution - instead of eachothers' faults and traits.
Observe yourself - be aware of what you're contributing to a situation, your passive aggression, biases, tone of voice and subtle actions. They can be difficult to spot, but change always starts with yourself.
Listen and don't judge - everybody has their own feelings, fears, desires and needs, to be heard and understood. Find out theirs and show you care about addressing them.
Communicate - equally, what are your needs and desires and are you communicating them clearly? Communicate how you feel and the boundaries you need to protect those feelings, rather than just telling someone else how you think they should behave.
Break the cycle - it's likely that patterns are being followed that lead to conflict, so look out for them. Can you break the cycle by acting or reacting differently or stepping out as conflict is emerging?
What’s it worth to compromise? Sometimes letting go of something you want, in order to find a solution that works for everyone, is worth it for the greater goal. Sometimes it isn’t - only you can decide - but it also requires all parties to be clear and agreed on what the goal is and how much it’s worth to them. Either way, be honest with yourself, on all of the above.
Let go of your ego - rise above it. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Don't take it personally. Be light-hearted. Easier said than done, but going ego-less will help the points above to look after themselves.
Once you experience the feeling that can come from raising an issue and resolving it, it can become addictive; especially in comparison to the stress that can come from not raising it. Whatever it is you’re facing now, take the steps above and see how it goes for you. You might just find it’s nowhere near as bad as you expected, and most likely much better.